This post is part of an ongoing series exploring ideas from my nonfiction book in progress, The Lens That Changes Everything — a work examining how the way we see shapes both our inner lives and the culture we’re living in. If you’d like access to each chapter as it’s released, you can sign up using the form at the bottom of this post.
When I started working on Chapter 3, I knew what I didn’t want to write.
I didn’t want a cynical takedown of self-help.
I didn’t want a “stop trying” manifesto.
And I didn’t want to pretend that effort, discipline, or sincere self-work are somehow foolish.
Most people don’t arrive at self-help casually. They arrive because something genuinely isn’t working — and they’re trying to respond with integrity.
The real tension in this chapter was figuring out how to name the limits of self-help without shaming the people who have tried the hardest. Effort isn’t the villain here. In many cases, it’s the most honest thing someone has left.
That led to an important editorial choice. Rather than focusing on individual behaviors or mindsets, I treated the self-help loop as something structural — something that operates inside a larger story that quietly assumes the problem is always personal. Once that story is in place, the loop almost runs on its own.
There were moments where it would have been easy to offer alternatives, hint at solutions, or point more clearly to what comes next. I chose not to. This chapter isn’t here to fix anything. It’s here to let readers feel, maybe for the first time, why “trying harder” keeps failing — without immediately turning that realization into another assignment.
If the problem was never a lack of effort…What might become possible once you stop blaming yourself for being tired?
If you’re following along and this chapter resonates, you’re welcome to join the Early Reader Circle — a quiet place where I share notes like this, drafts, and occasional invitations as the book takes shape.
No urgency. No funnel. Just an open door.
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